Osa • Asa no Onayami Soudan Touku Batoru

Haruno: Osa!

Sena:  and Asa’s!

Haruno: Problem!

Sena: Advice!

Both: Talk Battle! ♪ Zu-cha-ka, Zu-cha ♪ (laugh)

Haruno: Just for those who write to us, every single month.

Sena: You don’t need to include the useless stuff, Editorial Department-san!

Haruno: Then they won’t have anything to write down. There isn’t serious thought behind anything we say. (laughs) Recently, Tamo-san [Aika Mire] was saying, “Do you guys respond to the problems properly?” We do, but we can’t help acting like this. We are truly sorry, everyone.

Sena: So please direct your complaints to Editorial Department-san. (laughs) Well, let’s get started. First of all, the penname. This problem comes from Ao Ringo-san (1) . “Osa-san [Haruno], Asako-san [Sena], good afternoon!”

Haruno: Good afternoon.

Sena: “In April I’ll be a 3rd year student at a girl’s high school. This is abrupt, but how can I be more feminine? Ever since I was little, I’ve been constantly mistaken for a boy. Even after I started middle school, if I was walking with a friend, people who knew her would think I was her boyfriend. Even being at a girl’s high school hasn’t helped me pick up a feminine manner. When I was in my first year, I grew my hair long, but people said it didn’t suit me, plus it was inconvenient, so I cut it. Since then, everyone tells me I’m “handsome.” I am a very frank person and my body frame is sturdy, plus I always seem to sit with my legs wide. I do tai-chi, so my hip joints are very flexible and they open! Osa-san! Asako-san! You’re always so beautiful…” That there is pretty blatant, huh? (laughs)

Haruno: (Laughs)

Sena: “You’re both so beautiful, so please give me your advice. P.S. The other day I went to the first Tokyo show of Flower Troupe. Osa-san was so cool in the Thai scene (2) that it made my head spin.” That’s pretty blatant too (laughs).

Haruno: Hyuu- [bullet sound] (laughs)

Sena: “Asako-san’s smile during the Silver Bridge scene was wonderful. I really felt you two’s power! Thank you so much!” … is what she says.

Haruno: I feel sorry for her.

Sena: Yes, she seems unhappy. But you know, there’re good things about it too… (laughs)

Haruno: You and I are used to it (laughs).

Sena: Of course, it happens a lot overseas, but even in Japan…

Haruno: Of course. We’re talking about all the time. Not long ago, I was at a hotel overseas and on the first morning they said, “Good morning, sir.” I just answered, “Good morning,” but I was thinking – no matter how you look at it, it’s obvious I’m a woman!

Sena: (laughs) But, you know, you can get too used to it and stop noticing.

Haruno: Exactly! (laughs)

Sena: And so, you have to start by holding on to your sense of self.

Haruno: Don’t object every single time.

Sena: Yeah. It’ll never end.

Haruno: When we were on location in Iwate for the Asaki Yume Mishi movie, I went into the restroom of the hotel where we were staying…

Sena: Oh yeah, I remember. (laughs)

Haruno: And, just as I was leaving, a whole army of old ladies came in, and stared so hard!

Sena: “What’s a boy doing in here?” they all whispered. But then, one of them said under her breath, “It’s a woman, a woman!” “Oh my! So it is!” (laughs)

But I have an even worse one! I was traveling overseas with four friends, and I was walking on the hotel’s private beach with a girl who’s a musumeyaku. A local said to us, “You are married?” Sometimes people wonder, “Is it a man? A woman?” I guess that time he decided I must be a man.

Haruno: He turned you into a married couple. It must have made a wonderful picture...

Sena: Must have. (laughs) Another time, we were taking a photo with all four of us. The guy we’d asked to take it told me, “Go to the end, go to the end.” As I’m thinking, “What? Why?” he says, “The man, go to the end!” (laughs)

Haruno: You poor thing! (laughs)

Sena: (pointing at self) “Lady!” I yelled. (laughs) But that’s enough of that. Accept yourself and you won’t think about it anymore.

Haruno: So, Ao Ringo-san, you too should just give up! (laughs) Boyish charm is a confident woman’s strong point!

Sena: That’s right. Well then, the next one is from someone with the penname Koukou Magomusume-san (3).  “Good afternoon. I’m an 18 year old living with my grandmother. Right now I’m really worried. Noru-san [Minoru Kou] made her shocking retirement announcement and my grandmother is a huge, huge Noru-san fan. After she saw the morning paper on November 1st, she cried for days. Now her health is weakening. When you’re a fan, you’re preparing for this from the day your beloved star becomes Top. But my grandmother goes to Star Troupe shows at least once every three days; she lives for Noru-san. I can’t find words to console her. She says that after the October show is over, she’ll never go see Takarazuka again. What can I do to cheer her up? Osa-san, Asako-san – please lend me your wisdom. My grandmother is 65 years old and she’s been a fan for 50 years.”

Haruno: 50 years!

Both: A-maz-ing!

Sena: Noru’s the kind of person that could make a 50 year fan say she’ll stop watching.

Haruno: Yes, that’s true. This year three top stars announced their retirement (4).

Sena: (forlornly) Oh, it’s a very sad feeling. But it’s reality, Obaa-chan (5) .

Haruno: But, you know… You still have us!

Sena: W-wow, that’s quite an answer. (laughs)

Haruno: Of course, we could never replace Noru-san, but…

Sena: We have to do our best, right? (laughs)

Haruno: There’s still things to get excited about at Takarazuka shows…

Sena: Enjoy yourself, Obaa-chan. (laughs)

Haruno: So don’t talk about not going anymore, Obaa-chan. Come watch!

Together: (at the top of their lungs) Obaa-chan!

Sena: You’ve been kind enough to come to our shows for 50 years.

Haruno: Yeah. A fan like that is truly precious. The generations keep changing, but the charm of Takarazuka never does…

Sena: Haruno Sumire Presents Takarazuka. (laughs)

Haruno: Oh, quit it! (laughs) It’s not like I’m making some big speech. (laughs) Anyway. Come and watch!

Both: (wholeheartedly) Obaa-chaan!

Sena: Okay, next is penname Nishida Hitsuji’s (6) problem. She says, “Hello, how do you do? I’ll get straight to the issue. I haven’t had a nickname in forever… I’m always trying to think of one, but I have a name that’s difficult to work with. How do Takarazuka students get nicknames and pet names? Also, if you could give me a nickname, I’d be so happy.”

Haruno: Nishida Hitsuji, right? Hitsuji is kind of hard to say… Well, how about something like “Meh~” (7) ?

Sena: Bor-ing! (laughs)

Haruno: Dull – (laughs)

Sena: Way, way off! But what would be good?

Haruno: As for us, you know, we got our nicknames a long time ago.

Sena: Yeah.

Haruno: When I entered the Music School, mine was, “Osaosa” – said twice over like that.

Sena: You were “Osa 2”!

Haruno: Yeah, But then everyone thought it was too complicated so it became just Osa. Except for Asako. You’re so cute, calling me “Masa-chan.”

Sena: (laughs) Well, “Osa-san” is hard to say. So I asked for myself what it would be alright to call you, and you said, “Masa-chan is good.”

Haruno: You mean, I suggested that myself? (laughs)

Sena: Yes, you did.

Haruno: What a shock! (laughs)

Sena: I’m the one who was shocked! (8) (laughs)

Haruno: But for me to be like that was…

Both: ♥ A-dor-a-ble (laugh)

Haruno: So, Nishida-san, you too should use a name that you want to be called by. Something common would be “Nishi” I guess…

Sena: Yeah, it would. Kind of like “Osa.” (laughs)

Haruno: Yeah, yeah. Or, maybe just attach “-chan” to your given name?

Sena: Both “Me~” and “Nishi” are fine. Weird or normal, one or both, please use whichever you like. (laughs)

Haruno: Feel free to choose.

Sena: Only, if you use “Me~” it’s pointless unless you say it like the real thing.

Haruno: That’s true. (laughs) Well, last is a problem from Cosmos Troupe top star Wao Youka-sama. “Even though I’m stuffed full, I’ll eat and eat… and keep on eating… How can I stop?” (laughs)

Sena: That’s a really cute problem, huh? (laughs)

Haruno: It seems like she’s really worried though.

Sena: Yeah, it does. “I eat… and eat...” That gap kind of bothers me.

Haruno: Because she “keeps on eating.” (laughs) I know that feeling really well. I’m such a pig. Asako is a light eater.

Sena: Eh? That is totally not true! (laughs)

Haruno: You don’t eat. Ever.

Sena: I eat! I eat!

Haruno: Whatever. I really am a heavy eater. Like, I like rich food…

Sena: Or so you say… (laughs)

Haruno: What?

Sena: When you say rich, you mean you like stuff with a strong flavor…

Haruno: Yeah, I love it. (laughs)

Sena: But Masa-chan, all you put on your food is salt.

Haruno: Yeah, I act like a pauper (9) .

Sena: Just like someone without enough food (laughs). Even if you have a hamburger or something, you always put salt on it.

Haruno: No matter what. And I’ll keep on walking the Main Route (10).

Sena: The Main Route, huh? (laughs)

Haruno: If it’s something like Kaiseki ryouri (11) there’s just a little bit brought out at a time. I really don’t like that, because you don’t even notice you’re filling yourself up. What I like is really rich food, where they bring it out in volume, like “Do-n” [Thud!]. Then you decide what you’ll eat. Though, I say that, but I’ll still end up eating till I burst. Asako, can you follow “Harahachibunme” (12)?  

Sena: No, I can’t. (laughs) I don’t notice until I’m already full.

Haruno: Yeah! Completely stuffed! (laughs)

Sena: There’s no help for it! (laughs)

Haruno: Exactly. I can’t follow “harahachibunme” at all. Since I don’t know how, I can’t stop eating.

Sena: Me neither. If I could figure it out, I’d be able to answer Wao-san’s question… (laughs)

Haruno: But, you know, Wao-san’s body is so wonderfully big (13) an average person’s [amount of food] probably wouldn’t be enough.

Sena: That and, doesn’t a top star have to move around a lot on stage?

Haruno: Yeah.

Sena: So they eat and eat and keep on eating.

Haruno: Yeah, yeah. They burn it off right away, so it’s better that they eat.

Sena: Absolutely. When your body’s on the point of breaking down, you need to eat. Isn’t it better than not being able to?

Haruno: That’s true.

Sena: Well then, together this time…

Haruno: We got through it. (laughs)

Sena: (laughs) Together this time, shall we all three, “Journey in Search of Harahachibunme”? (laughs)

Haruno: (bursts out laughing) I know! We’ll seek harahachibunme at an all-you-can eat revolving sushi!

Sena: And covering the tab, of course, will be Wao Youka-san. (laughs)

Both: Gochisousama deshita (14) ! (laugh)

1. This penname means “Green Apple”
2. She’s probably referring to the revue “Asian Sunrise” which was performed about this time.
3. This penname means “Filial Pious Granddaughter”
4. Minoru Kou, Aika Mire, and Makoto Tsubasa
5. “Grandma”.  “Obaa-san” is also a polite way to address any old woman. Changing the –san to –chan makes it cute and affectionate.
6. This is the only one that sounds like it might be an actual name – the writer may have given her real name so that Osa and Asa could give better advice. “Hitsuji” means sheep, which Haruno takes advantage of in her answer.
7. The sound a sheep makes in Japanese. So Haruno has basically suggested the nickname “Baaaaaaa”.
8. Haruno entered Takarazuka one year before Sena, and so was her sempai (upperclassman) in the Music School as well as their troupe. Suggesting a special nickname – especially one with the diminutive “-chan” – would have been extraordinarily open and friendly.
9. “Binboukusai hito mitai.”
10. Not sure what the specific reference is here.
11. A style of Japanese cuisine originally served at a light snack at tea ceremonies. Usually involves many small servings of different dishes.
12. “Harahachibunme” is “80% full” – the idea being that it’s healthiest to stop eating at this point. This way of eating is often associated with Okinawa, where people are particularly long-lived.
13. Wao is tall, even for an otokoyaku.
14. Literally, “It was a feast!” This is the traditional phrase when finished eating, a sort of thank-you.

Note: The original Japanese text used on this site is the property of the Takarazuka Revue and Hankyu Corporation. It is used without permission, with the intent of publicizing the revue to a larger audience.

The translations on this site were done by me. I reserve all applicable copyright on them and DO NOT give permission for them to be redistributed, published, retranslated, used as fansub scripts, etc.

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